Kingdom At Work
When Jeff, a senior leader at Betenbough Companies, got married, he did what many well-meaning Christian men do: he built a relational bunker.
Not a literal one—but a set of invisible walls that protected his marriage by cutting off every female relationship except for his wife, sister, and mom. No conversations. No friendships. Just avoidance. It felt safe. Noble, even. But he didn’t realize how much richness he was missing.
That all changed when he joined Betenbough Companies, where relational leadership isn’t optional—it’s the oxygen we breathe. Suddenly, ignoring half the team wasn’t an option. He had to engage. Learn. Invest. Build real, healthy friendships with women who were not his wife—but were deeply valuable teammates and image-bearers of God.
And what he discovered wasn’t temptation. It was wisdom. Joy. Flourishing. It was an expansion of Kingdom community.
Let’s discover practical examples of how to maximize relational impact while honoring God, your spouse, and the person in front of you.
Real Relationships Require Real Boundaries
Relational leadership doesn’t mean emotional enmeshment, after-hours texting, or being the only person someone goes to when life falls apart. Below are real, practical examples of how to set healthy boundaries in opposite-gender relationships inside a Kingdom company—where relational leadership is required, not optional.
These aren’t about fear or legalism. They’re about honoring people well.
Noticing when you’ve become someone’s emotional go-to
Jeff once realized a team member was starting to come to him with every hardship—work-related and personal. He gently asked,
“Hey, have you talked to anyone else about this yet?” When she said no, he responded, “I’d love to help, but I don’t think I’m the only person who should walk this with you. Let’s bring someone else in who can really be in it with you more consistently.” Sometimes, that means inviting a female leader the person feels safe with. Other times, it means recommending a counselor—and offering to connect them. The goal is to care deeply without becoming the sole emotional lifeline.
Protecting your teammates from confusion by sharing boundaries early
As you inherit or hire team members of the opposite gender, don’t wait for awkward moments. Offer clarity early. Jeff tells his team:
“Hey, just so you know, I try to keep one-on-ones (intentional relational time with team members) with the opposite gender on campus or in public spaces. That’s something my wife and I have talked about. It helps me lead with integrity, and I want you to feel safe and respected. Do you have any boundries you’d like me to respect” No drama. Just clarity. And the relationship only grows stronger from there.
Start with a conversation with your spouse: What boundaries do we need to agree on? Then bring your team in the loop.
Inviting your spouse into your leadership relationships
Relational leaders hear hopes, dreams, and fears from their people. Jeff shared a story about a teammate’s son struggling at a soccer camp—and the team decided to host one just for him. Another teammate led the drills. Encouragement flowed. But the best part? Jeff’s wife didn’t just hear about it later—she was part of it. When Jeff mentioned the idea to her the night before, she didn’t need convincing. “What time should I be there?” she asked. Because the people Jeff leads aren’t separated from his life—they’re welcomed into it. We’re not called to avoid relationships—we’re called to steward them.
Other leaders have found simple, intentional ways to build bridges between their spouse/family and their team. They’ve hosted family dinners, shared meals together at the office or a nearby restaurant, or invited their spouses to join company events. These aren’t grand gestures—they’re small, meaningful moments where real relationship can take root. When your spouse knows the people you lead—and your team sees who you are outside of work—trust deepens. Community grows. And the invisible walls between “work life” and “home life” begin to come down.
This is not about building bunkers to avoid risk—it’s about building homes with intentional walls. Boundaries don’t stifle flourishing relationships; they protect them. Just like a home needs a frame, our relationships need structure.
Let’s not leave cracks where the enemy can slip in and cause chaos or division.
Jesus at the Well: Leading with Honor, Clarity, and Boundaries | John 4:1–38 NLT
When Jesus spoke with the Samaritan woman at the well, He didn’t shy away. He respected her. He spoke to her deepest need. And He did so in full view of a watching world.
We can do the same. But it requires:
- Proactive intentionality
- Transparent communication
- The humility to ask, “Am I stewarding this relationship wisely?”
This kind of leadership is rare. It requires discernment. It’s full of nuance. And it’s worth it.
Leading Well: Questions to Ask Yourself
- Have I set clear, God-honoring boundaries with the opposite gender—or just hoped for the best?
- Have my spouse and I had a clear conversation about what boundaries we need to set in relationships with the opposite gender?
- Am I confusing proximity with relationship, or secrecy with stewardship?
- Do I truly invite others (spouse, leaders, peer mentors) into my leadership relationships—or am I trying to do it all on my own?
- Have I assumed this will never be an issue for me—and therefore neglected the discipline of guarding my heart?
- Are there conversations I need to have—either to clarify boundaries or to repair trust?
We’re not trying to be perfect. We’re trying to be faithful. Let’s not lead from fear. Let’s lead with courage, transparency, and Kingdom love. Looking to dive deeper into Kingdom Leadership, join us at our upcoming Kingdom Leadership Workshop.