Coaching: Comfort vs Courage

[00:00:00] Hey there, everyone. We are so glad you joined us and welcome to the kingdom at work webinar. I’m Amanda Bullen. I’m the manager of kingdom at work. And our mission is to inspire. Hi, any quick leaders to find a why before we dive into today’s content, let’s go over a few housekeeping items to ensure a smooth and productive session.

1st, and foremost, we want this webinar to be as interactive as possible. So feel free to use the Q and a feature to ask questions, share your thoughts throughout the presentation. We do value your participation. Now about the questions, we will have a dedicated Q& A time at the end of the presentation where we’ll address many of the questions that you’ve submitted.

So if you have burning [00:01:00] questions, don’t worry, we will get to those. And if for some reason we can’t address all questions during the webinar, then, um, we will, um, use those later on within our, um, blog posts that will come out later. If a question requires more in depth response, fear not, that we will try to answer those, um, within the blog.

Blog as well. Lastly, this webinar will be recorded and the recording will be available for you to review or share with your colleagues. We’ll send an email out with the recording link shortly after the event later this afternoon. So, I want to introduce you to, um, our speaker today that is going to be presenting.

Um, this is Alyssa Mendez. Alyssa is the hospitality director for Beat and Bow companies. She helps oversee our 92 Bakery and Cafe, as well as the Willows Event Center. She has been with the company for six years, [00:02:00] but hospitality has always been central to who she is. Whether she is meeting up with friends or hosting celebrations at her home, Alyssa strives to make sure people feel loved.

Her passion for hospitality took her all the way to Disney World for an internship after college, which is where she met her husband Aaron. Outside of work, you can find Alyssa spending time with her family, hanging out with her nieces, playing volleyball, and bargain shopping. Her and Aaron have two pups that bring them so much joy and have also recently started the adoption process to expand their family.

She is passionate about sharing the impact of what brings the kingdom into the world. Workplace looks like to others because it has changed her and her family’s future. So without further ado, here is Alyssa Mendez. Hi everyone. Thank you so much for joining me today. Like Amanda said, my name is Alyssa and [00:03:00] I am a recovering people pleaser.

All jokes aside, I can really specifically think back to one point with my time here at Beaton Bow, my very first And I had to have a conversation with a team member that I just really didn’t want to have, but I knew that I needed to have it. And I was getting sick to my stomach. I was getting emotional and overwhelmed.

And I had a leader at the time pull me aside and say, Alyssa, Confrontation is just a conversation. And since that point, it has sent me on a journey to learn what coaching looks like, um, and what it means to really choose courage over comfort in, um, all aspects of my life, but specifically with my leadership.

Um, so I’m going to pray over us really quickly, and then we’ll go ahead and jump into what we have to get taught talking to you about today. Lord, thank you so much for this time for the people that are joining us across [00:04:00] the world. Um, I just pray right now, Lord, that, um, you make me a vessel that I am able to, um, just say what you want everyone and need everyone to hear in this moment.

I know that courage can be really hard, but Lord, I know as leaders, you call us. and equip us to our positions and you call us to have courage. And so today I just pray that everyone is able to tune their ears to what you have in store for them in this next season. Amen. So as I mentioned, we’re talking about coaching and comfort versus courage.

But where is this applicable? And so I wanted to talk through if, um, you are a friend or if you have family or if you work with anyone, it’s applicable in all aspects. I think that a lot of times we think of courageous conversations specifically in work. And so I am talking more about that coaching conversation.

However, these conversations should be woven throughout [00:05:00] all relationships. And so today, if you are a leader, or maybe you’re not one yet, and that is a goal for you, um, I’m really going to be talking on that. But if you’re not, I really want you to be able to take away that, um, this also can be friends, family, spouses, um, a coworker.

It can be anyone. And, um, It’s not just from the top down a leader to an employee, but it’s also an employee to leaders and children to parents. And so, um, I just hope that today you’re able to maybe walk away with a conversation or a person in mind that you need to go and have a courageous conversation with.

So specifically, the topic today is why everyone should choose courage over comfort when leading others. And that’s for three reasons. It honors others. It grows others. And because courage is a kingdom character. So what does all [00:06:00] of this mean though? And where do we start? And really I’m here today to make sure that everyone knows this starts with a relationship.

And we are highly relational leaders here. And, um, you have to start with a relationship before there is trust. I have a story from my past employer where, um, I had to have a coaching conversation given to me about my sales performance in one area, but my boss, he lived in Dallas. I lived in Lubbock. I saw him once a quarter and maybe talked to him once a month.

And so there was just no relationship established at all. And so when he came to me and told me that my performance was not as good as the person who is here before me in this one area, um, it really hurt because. You know, he actually didn’t know me and he didn’t, um, see that my performance in a different area actually, um, multiplied by three in a bigger revenue space.

And so he had no idea what I was even up to on a day to day basis. [00:07:00] And really he had that conversation with me because it was for the business best interest and not because he thought that I could do better. And so, um, these conversations can go really poorly when you don’t have those relational deposits.

And so today I just want you to take some time to think about. Your team and the relationships that you have with those people and to just take an evaluation of, you know, are you really doing this for their best interest? Or are you having these conversations for your best interest? And I think that that’s really where I’m relational leadership starts.

Um, so we need courage instead of comfort because courage honors others by putting them first. Comfort is the easy way. It’s the passive way. Um, you don’t have to worry about too much with comfort. Um, And if you only have comfort, you actually have no accountability. And so, um, my people pleasing self, it’s really hard to want to lean into [00:08:00] courage because I don’t want someone else to be angry with me or feel like I hurt them.

And if you just hear that, you can hear me, self, my. With all that and really when we step into courage, we honor others by putting them before us. A lot of times people make decisions based off of how it’s going to make you feel or if it’s going to please you. And so really courage is an action that you have to step into.

I have a friend that gave me, um, some of her best feedback that she ever got. And that was, um, a teacher told her one time, man, you are so good at pleasing people. I wonder what you could do if you turn that into pleasing the Lord. And that hit really hard for me because A lot of my life I’ve been focused on pleasing men and really stepping into leadership and learning what courage, um, means in leadership.

I am not doing it for men. I’m not doing it for myself, but I need to [00:09:00] be doing it for the Lord. And I do have to remind myself that. There is a quote that is in our Beat and Go Leadership Guide, and it says, Accountability. Having the courage to confront someone about their deficiencies, and then stand in the moment and deal with their reaction, which might not be pleasant.

It is a selfless act rooted in a word that I do not use lightly in a business book, love. To hold someone accountable is to care about them enough to risk them blaming you for pointing out. Their deficiencies. So courage honors others by putting people first, like I said. And really, what that means is you have to put their growth in front of you being comfortable.

That is just leadership 101 where there’s no accountability. There is going to be really poor team health. I actually sat in on an interview recently here. Um, and it was someone who worked on a team with five, five other [00:10:00] people. And he said he was doing 80 percent of the teamwork. And so when we don’t have accountability with our team, for one, no one wants to be on a losing team.

That doesn’t feel good. And not only that, um, you’re going to either lose your A team players or your A team players are going to conform. And that’s just going to create a horrible team culture and potentially even a horrible company culture. And once again, um, courage honors others by putting people first by pleasing the Lord and not pleasing men.

And so those are all really big points of why courage honors others. It also can honor others through doing the right thing. Renee Brown and dare to lead says integrity is choosing courage over comfort, choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. I think that that is so interesting to read because when people hear leadership or manager, I think [00:11:00] they might have a perception that it’s a little bit different than what it actually is.

Um, if you are leading specifically, if you are leading in the kingdom too, um, with the kingdom in mind. for joining us. I can guarantee you that there are a lot of days where it is not fun or easy, um, but this world has this view of the higher up I go, the cooler I am. Um, but it is a mantle. Leadership is a mantle to carry and it does have a weight.

And, um, Brene Brown actually goes on to say, we can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both not at the same time. And so, um, leadership is really laying all of, um, who you are and your feelings aside, um, to make sure that you are growing your team. Courage honors others by doing the right thing because, um, we are responsible as leaders to, um, care about others and see their blind spots.

We all have room to grow and we all have [00:12:00] blind spots and really our job is to be able to grow people in their blind spots. I have an example recently of a team member where we actually had to go and have a conversation about maybe communication, but it ended up turning into a little bit more where we uncovered one of their blind spots was that he was saying, um, He just really felt hurt that someone felt he was being rude or coming off rude.

And if they would have really known him, if they knew him well, that they wouldn’t know, or they would know his intentions. And so we had to kind of back up and say, I think that a blind spot of yours might be, you know, intentions and actions don’t. Always align and you can think your intentions is this way.

But if that doesn’t align with your actions, then that’s actually something that falls back on you. And so, um, once again, just under uncovering and understanding where team members are coming from and just having these conversations of growth, not always [00:13:00] fun. People can get defensive. Um, but to at the end of that, be able to see growth and fruit from it is a really cool place to be as well.

Um, I love this verse. So Proverbs 13 24. It says a refusal to correct is a refusal to love. So once again, if we really truly do love the people that are around us, it is our job to help correct them in their blind spots. The second point of why we should choose courage over comfort when we’re coaching our team members is because courage grows other people.

You kind of heard that a little bit in that last story, but we’re also going to talk about coaching and what that looks like. So I want you to take a moment to just think back, if you played sports, of who your favorite coach was and why. I’d love to tell you about mine. My favorite coach growing up, his name was Coach Williams.

And he was my freshman and sophomore year volleyball coach, and I had grown up playing [00:14:00] volleyball. It has been one of my favorite sports. And, um, everyone loved coach Williams. He was fun. He cared about everyone on the team. He was really good at volleyball, really good at teaching people and was super patient with us.

And, um, I remember freshman year, he actually brought me up from JV to varsity. And I just felt so honored in that moment. And about a month into the season, he pulled me aside. And that was when I think I had the first corrective conversation or coaching conversation, um, that I can remember that didn’t come from my parent.

And he had to tell me that I had a couple of areas that I really needed to grow in before I could be back on varsity and that he was going to move me to JV. And it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to 15 year old Alyssa, It was her world and she was crushed. And so I just remember there were a lot of emotions tied into that.

But coach Williams had made all of these relational deposits with me along the way to where when he was having this conversation with [00:15:00] me, I actually knew that it came from a place of love and from a place of him wanting more for me. And so, um, Yeah, we just should choose to be a coach as a leader.

Sometimes we overcomplicate it. I think that there are two stereotypes. One of those is micromanaging, super involved, um, you know, has their finger on everyone. And then this other type of being very laid back and, um, removed from leadership. And if we could just be the coach for our people and simplify things, Um, I think that we could see so much growth and fruit from that, but there are two really vital things that you have to have to be a coach.

And that is, you have to have a high level of accountability and relationship. It is both and, and that will allow team members to work towards and to grow in their potential. So all of this is really cool, right? [00:16:00] Really fun to say, but what does this actually look like? So I just want to spend, um, a really brief moment on our coaching continuum here at our company and just point out some things.

So leadership is progressive and continual. That’s why it’s called a continuum. It is not just one point of time, two points of time. But this is a really good picture of how we view coaching. And I think where we fall flat sometimes as leaders is what we call in the green. And so when it gets to this point where there’s a verbal or a written warning, or even a nine one, those can be easier to identify.

But really I want to focus on this in the green area. Um, because we all have blind spots. I’m still even being coached by my, um, leader. And so really this green moment. That is where that accountability and relationship really come to be. We talk a lot about shoulder to shoulder, and that is basically you are with your [00:17:00] team.

Um, if we’re short staffed, I’m jumping behind the bar in the cafe or working events, or if we, um, if I have a slow day, I’m just spending time with them. My team trying to understand what they’re doing and see how work is going never to go and find something wrong. Always to go and find things that are good, but the shoulder to shoulder allows time and relationship to be able to bring accountability in the small things, which is the one degree correction.

And so I look at this as, um, you know, I am very visual. So I, I see it as it’s a compass where, um, we talk about if someone is one degree off. With something small, an email that they said that maybe they could have worded better or how they talked to someone could have been more kind. Those are things that a lot of times as leaders we can want to pass by because, oh, it’s not anything big.

Um, but if we can catch things in the one degree when we’re slightly off, it won’t get to this moment where now we’re in the area where we have to have a harsh [00:18:00] correction. And I really look at this coaching continuum and our people as, um, you know, we have plants and we want to water them. And we don’t want to forget to water them and leave them alone and then have to pour a whole bunch of water because they’re dying now and we’re in a critical zone.

And so really this in the green is being intentional, watering the plants and being intentional with your people and building the relationships, but also bringing that accountability. But you have to know your team and spend time with them to know where they need to grow. So how to grow others through courage.

Like I mentioned earlier, being the coach, we want to be their biggest encourager and cheerleader, but we also need to hold them accountable. We also don’t want to withhold any information from them that’s going to help them grow. That’s just not kind. So we need to step in and have the courageous conversations.

And lastly, um, we need to steward our people. The Lord has put you in this position at this time for a reason with the people that are in front of you. And it [00:19:00] is our job as leaders to really be able to steward them so that whenever they do leave or if they get promoted, they are leaving at a better place than when they came in.

Sometimes that’s really hard too because when they come in, people have not given them correction or coaching on their blind spots, and so, um. That can be really hard if that is not an everyday rhythm and routine. Lastly, we should choose courage over comfort because courage is a kingdom character. Um, I think that just through praying through this specific, um, webinar and what I was going to be talking about.

I felt like the Lord brought up a couple of instances in the Bible where I really felt like courage was shown. And the first one that came through was Esther. And if you think back to Esther, she had to go and have a courageous conversation that she really didn’t even want to have, but had to have it with the king because they were going to, [00:20:00] um, kill all of her people.

And so it took her a moment to muster up the courage to have that conversation with the king. And she could have died, but instead she went ahead and, um, stepped in and leaned in to being uncomfortable and saved her people. And then you think about Moses and he didn’t even want to lead in the first place, but the Lord called him.

And so he courageously stepped into that. And not only that, he had to have multiple courageous conversations with Pharaoh for Pharaoh to let the Israelites leave Egypt. And then I think about Jesus, and there are so many stories, but the one that came to mind was, um, the woman at the well. And he said, spoke to her in a way that was not condemning, but convicting.

And then Paul to all of the different churches that he wrote letters to, um, once again, there are just two things that are woven throughout all of the courageous conversations, and that is both truth and love. So, um, [00:21:00] Ephesians four 15 says, but speaking the truth in love. We are all, or we are to grow up in all aspects into him who is the head that is Christ.

So it is just super important in the kingdom that we speak truth and love to people. I am, like I said, visual. So I have this truth to love spectrum that I wanted to go over. And I think on one side you have truth, which we can view as maybe more so directness. And then on the other hand, we have love, which can be maybe viewed as a little bit more passive and we use the disc personality assessment here and I pulled a report and it showed that, you know, there’s an estimated 18 percent of people that are classified as more direct and 32 as more supportive, which is that passive area.

And so it is a spectrum and we all fall on the spectrum in different areas because we are all different. [00:22:00] And so take some time to just think, where do you fall in this? Um, specifically when you’re having corrective conversations, sometimes it can be easier to lean on the truth side, to build that wall up, to just state the facts.

Um, but if we do that and don’t bring the love, it’s going to be really hard to even have someone trust that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Um, So the one thing I also wanted to point out here is that what you do not see on the spectrum is courage because courage is completely separate. It’s the action that brings truth and love to fruition.

Um, think about where you lie on that. And I like to think through, um, you know, where you go and where you need to lean. So what is easiest to you and then what you need to make sure you’re being intentional on. So I have a story about where I’ve done this wrong. And so, spoke more into the truth and not into the love.

And that was [00:23:00] with my first separation that I was ever a part of. Um, we, like I said, are highly relational leaders here. And so we do all of these little relational deposits and we really care for our team members. But then when it came to a point where we’ve had several corrections and now it’s a separation, um, We went into that separation meeting with walls up with a paper in front of us, telling that person today is your last day.

This is why here are the papers. If you want, you can sign it, but you need to go. And we’ll walk you outside. How does that feel? And I thought to myself, We have a relationship with this person and does he feel like all of it was fake because it wasn’t and in that moment, it was really hard for us to have that courageous separation conversation, but there was no love and that was because it was easier and less painful on us.

And, um, as the leaders, we have to lean on making sure we’re taking care of our people before our own comfort. [00:24:00] Adversely, I do have a way that this is gone pretty well. You know, no one likes corrective conversations, but I did have to have what we call a 9 1 1 with a team member. And I was able to be coached by my leader, Gina.

And she just let me know that, once again, this is a conversation. It is a serious conversation. But just go in and start it and after everything is said and done, and after we’ve spoken truth and love, then bring the paper out. I think the paper can really terrify people and not listen. And so we want to make sure that when we’re coming into these hard conversations that we’re not building up walls or building anxiety that we are building up, um, trust that we’re building up the relationship to while also bringing the truth.

So choosing courage over comfort. Once again, why do we do it? And like the verse in Ephesians said, it glorifies the Lord. And so, um, on a kingdom level, when we choose [00:25:00] courage over comfort, it has so many amazing benefits. It empowers others and not enables others. It also builds up the kingdom. If we’re able to help see other people’s blind spots and they’re able to pour into us to see ours, um, we can help show each other how to love better.

And, um, the goal would be to build the kingdom up in the process. And so really in conclusion, before we go into some practical tips is that we should all choose courage over comfort, um, for many different reasons, but the three today that I hope that you’re able to walk away feeling empowered with is it honors others.

It grows others and overall it is a kingdom character. And so to go back to my volleyball story, um, a couple of years or a couple of months pass and playoffs are right around the corner. And within that couple of months, I have gone to private [00:26:00] lessons and I’ve spent more time on my own to really focus in on the areas that my coach told me I really clearly needed to grow in.

And, um, he was able to see. C by spending time with the team and around me that I had actually grown from those areas and he invited me back to, um, join the varsity team for playoffs. And so, um, I just think that I wanted to end there because for one, we can have these coaching, coaching conversations.

That is a big thing to have. Um, it is a choice. So for people to hear that feedback, but it’s something that you cannot control. And so I think a lot of times I like to control situations, but really it is just inviting people into an opportunity to grow. And there is so much fruit when someone is open and willing to be able to step in and grow, um, And to see on the other side what that could look like.

So I just want to encourage all today that if there is someone that came to mind or a conversation that you need to go [00:27:00] and have that you’re able to have it for a lot of different reasons, but, um, to be able to stand on the other side and to see the fruit from it is just a really cool and special place to be.

And it can really make it all worth it. So now How do we do this? If you come from a company that maybe feedback is not a thing or accountability might not be top priority, I want to just go through some practical tips on just to how to start having courageous conversations. So step one. Be prepared and be intentional.

Um, so select a time and place and really think through that. Um, should it be right before they go and meet with a client? Probably not, especially if they might be more of an emotional person that, um, that’s going to take a minute to process. Um, should you do it in the office with other people? That’s a no.

And so just be really, um, careful to plan out a time and a [00:28:00] place for this and to be thoughtful about, um, the person too. Are they going to want to ask questions? Are they going to need a day to process what you had? Um, sometimes I like to write down the points so that I can really prepare what I’m going to say before I say it.

Um, Little caveat to this is if you have a laundry list of things that you want to talk about and they don’t have one root issue, this is not a kind way to go about the situation. And so really we want to be focused on one root issue and write that down. And if you need to bring that in there so that way you don’t stray or you can come back to the really important things that you wanted to talk about.

And then the last thing in this step one is to pray over it. I think a lot of times we, um, you know, pray about, let them have ears to hear and let me say the right things and meet me in that place. And sometimes we can get into, um, praying that the Lord gives you an [00:29:00] opportunity to have a conversation with them.

And I just want to encourage you that if your prayers are leaning that way, I’m not saying that the Lord won’t meet you in that space, but he calls us to have these courageous conversations. And so maybe instead of praying that I would start praying over him to give you courage and just to step into it.

The next step is going to be When you’re meeting with them, go ahead and state the issue first. I always like to ask for permission. I feel like that brings us on the same level. And once again, it does not build up these walls. And so sometimes I will ask, Hey, can I give you some a little hard feedback to hear, or can I ask you a hard question?

I also feel like that prepares team members and allows them a moment to brace for impact, but it also allows them to say yes. And that way, the hope with that is they would be more willing to accept the [00:30:00] feedback. Also be clear. Brene Brown also says to be unclear is to be unkind. So here we like to say to be clear is to be kind.

And if you lean in that love over, uh, truth spectrum towards the love side, it can be really easy and natural for us to do this sandwich of compliments. You have been doing really good in this area. This area might need to be worked on a little bit, but overall, great job. Do you see how that can be confusing to someone?

I don’t think that they would walk away with a lot of clarity with the situation, or maybe even if it’s a pretty severe thing that they need to work on, they’re not going to feel the severity of that. We also have a tool that we use. Um, the acronym is S. B. I. M. And really, when you get into having this conversation, go ahead and state the issue first before y’all start the conversation.

Um, so let’s say you have a team member that has been late the past few days, but that’s not normal. So that [00:31:00] would be pulling them aside and saying, Hi, I know, um, that You have been late the last few days, and this isn’t something that you normally do, and the impact to the team for that. It actually kind of makes it feel like you don’t necessarily really want to be here, excited to be here.

And so I just wanted to have a conversation and see, is everything okay? What’s going on? And so this is a really cool tool that you can use, um, step by step to be able to start the conversation. Sometimes when we start it and we don’t. State it. We don’t actually fully give clarity to what we’re having a conversation about.

And then at the end, coming around and making sure that they understand the next opportunity. So, um, in that situation, you know, I just want you to know it’s super important to be here on time and I’m going to start holding you accountable. And if there was anything, You might uncover, um, with why they were being late.

You can speak into that a little bit too, but just ensuring [00:32:00] that moving forward, the, um, you know, expectation is that you’re going to be here on time. After that, step three is going to be lead with questions. I think sometimes we forget this too, and we can be really accusatory instead of curious. I know that I have definitely done this before and immediately, um, felt horrible for not.

Leading with the question. Um, I also think that we need to be thoughtful in this as well. A lot of times when we’re having these conversations, what we say and communicate, people can actually attach to their identity. And so we just really want to avoid using any kind of triggering identity words, um, such as like, you are always late or you are lazy or anything like that.

Um, And then we also want to pay attention to cues. And what that means [00:33:00] is, what is their body language? Do they actually understand what you’re talking about through how they’re responding? Um, and just getting a better whole picture of this, um, the be curious part and ask questions. I think, um, once again, accusatory leans towards.

More truth side, more direct, and it never feels good to say, you know, Hey, you were late what’s going on instead of, I noticed that you were five minutes late and, um, I just, I think we need to have a conversation about that. Cause that’s not okay. It’s just two different perspectives. And so I’m leading with questions as a way, once again, that we can honor people and love our people.

Well, step four. Is going to be the follow up and this is so important. I think as leaders, we think, Oh, the conversation is over. We’ve done our part. Um, but there is a lot of importance with this follow up and I actually think this is most often missed. Um, we need to [00:34:00] give our people time to process the information, time to process the feedback.

Um, we need to circle back around and check in with them. We need to allow them to ask us questions. Um, we need to ask, how are you feeling about that conversation or how are you feeling about that change? Um, and then lastly, we need to ensure that the relationship is okay. Um, I put that one on there because I did have to have a 9 1 1 conversation with a team member once.

And, um, come to find out they had never been coached before in previous positions. And so whenever we had the conversation and then we had to do, uh, Right up afterwards, I felt like the write up was the follow up, but that next time that they came in, I could tell something was a little off and they just said that they were having a weird day, but I felt like I needed to follow up.

So I did at the end of the day, and I’m really thankful that I did because they let me know that the [00:35:00] feedback really hit them hard and that, um, they just were super sad that they disappointed. Me and that now our relationship is different. And I was like, I just need you to know that is actually not the case.

Once again, the devil will make people feel like these blind spots are a part of their identity, and that’s just not the truth. And so I was able to come alongside of her and explain a little bit more about why we have these conversations and that just because the situation happened does not mean in any way, shape or form that I did not want a relationship with her or that I did not, um, Or that I did look at her any differently that it was a conversation we had to have because of the situation, but we’re going to be able to move forward because she wanted to come along in her growth.

And so, um, really those are kind of the areas of how I wanted to wrap up. Um, but really, I just wanted to encourage y’all that, um, courage can seem really daunting [00:36:00] and really scary, especially if you are just starting, um, this journey. But every step of the way, the Lord will bless it and he will give fruit to it.

And so I just really hope and pray that today y’all start this journey, take the first step towards courageous conversations through coaching. And, um, I’m excited to see and hopefully hear some of the fruit that can come from that. I think right now I’m going to pass it off and Amanda is going to help us out with any questions that could have come through, um, while I was talking.

Yeah, great job, Alyssa. My hand is hurting from all the notes I took. I’m sure everybody else was really blessed by that. Hey, we do have a lot of questions, but if you missed, um, at the beginning, Beginning this is our time that we have live Q and a if you do have any questions that you’d like to ask Alyssa down at the bottom of your screen.

There’s a Q and a feature that you can type in any question or comment. [00:37:00] We will cover as many as we can. And if, for some reason, we can’t address all the questions during the Q and a. Or if your question does require a more in depth response, um, we’re committed to providing valuable content and any unanswered questions may be featured in our upcoming blog post.

So keep an eye out for that. So let’s jump in to a few of these questions. So first question I have here, Alyssa, is do you find it hard to grow people on your team when you know they’re going through a difficult season of life? I actually have a really good example of this, um, in a way that I failed as a leader.

And so I hope that this is encouragement for whoever wrote that out. Um, you know, excellence is one of our core values and we did have a team member that was going through a lot in their life, um, personally, and they brought it into the workplace, but not, um, brought it into the workplace as, um, [00:38:00] was talking about it, but, um, it was completely affecting their work.

And there was not enough work going on and, um, some emotional immaturity within all of that as well. And, I made the excuse time and time again. They’re going through a hard time. They’re going through a hard time. Um, and man, what ended up happening is we were too far in that continuum to see hope to get them back on track.

Um, and we ended up having to separate with them and that is the cowardice thing to do. And if I would have stepped in and had those conversations, which can be, um, hard in the moment, cause it can seem like we aren’t loving them. Yeah. But the Lord also does call us to steward what we’re doing and that’s our work.

And so if someone on your team isn’t doing a good job, um, I think that there is ways to have conversations with them about, I understand that there’s a lot going on [00:39:00] in your personal life. And I just want you to know that this conversation has nothing to do about what’s going on at home. But we do have to have, um, or we have a job to do and a task at hand.

And we really do need you to be able to step in and to the situation. You’re a key player in this team. And so if I would have done that, I wonder if that would have changed. Um, and we wouldn’t have had to have a separation conversation. And so sometimes in the moment, it feels easier to, um, Give a lot more grace to people who are going through a hard time, but also what I found out after that separation is that the team was actually really struggling.

And so it got to a point where, um, it was affecting the team because the job wasn’t getting done. And there was an unhealthy team culture at that point. And so, um, not just for that person, but it’s also your responsibility as a leader to be able to lean into those hard [00:40:00] conversations.

Great example of that. Gosh, I think all of us as leaders have probably skirted around conversations that needed to happen because of outside influences. Great answer on that. Hey, next question. For leaders who were trying to make the transition to a relational style of leadership, how do you recommend having corrective conversations with team members The relationship may not be fully developed yet.

That’s really good. Um, I mean, we have new team members that come on and we don’t have that relationship formed with them quite yet either. And so it is a constant thing. Like I said, it’s easier if you are able to coach in the green as well as You know, on that coaching continuum, the red and the yellow.

And so, um, I would say just start spending time with people and, um, maybe that’s just sitting down with them, seeing how they feel like, um, the job’s going to, cause maybe you might [00:41:00] uncover some more if you start asking some questions, but, um, you know, I would say you can’t shy away from not having those conversations, but when you’re talking with them, making sure that you are doing it in a way that you truly do care more about the outcome for them and not for you.

Absolutely. Great answer on that. Uh, someone asked, can you define what a 911 is? Yes, so, um, uh, 911 is a more severe, um, I guess it’s a written like correction that we do here. Um, and the 911 is really used when there is something that, um, has to have immediate change. if something Happens and it’s like if you come back tomorrow, this has to immediately change and if it doesn’t, then there will be a [00:42:00] separation.

And so the coaching continuum is not necessarily, um, ways you follow it. You know, it’s not like, oh, you have the verbal first and then you have the write up and then you have the 911. There are instances where, um, a situation has been so, uh, crazy that if something doesn’t change, yeah. Today, then you can’t come back tomorrow.

And so that 911 call is, um, we’re in a really serious situation and we need your commitment immediately. Um, the written is more, um, I guess it gives you a more time. So you see, An area where you need to grow in and here’s how we’re going to grow into it. But a lot of times, um, I feel like the 9 1 1 comes with maybe trust or attitude or unity commitment.

Some of those different things is what I’ve seen. Um, the 9 1 1 be used, but really overall, the, the coaching continuum is there. It’s not there for us to be legally covered, but it’s actually there for us to, [00:43:00] um, help our team members stay here and know where they’re at.

Great answer. There is some terminology that was used. And if you do have any more questions on that, um, sometimes we forget within our company that others might not know that. So great question on what is a 9 1 1. All right, next question we have, um, they asked if I drop the ball and make mistakes around scheduling and changes at the last minute, it obviously causes doubt and uneasiness within my employees, my team.

Do I admit this to them, ask for grace, or what should I do?

A hundred percent. I have definitely done this several times. Um, man, we’re going to drop the ball too. And if your team doesn’t see you be vulnerable and own up to your mistakes, um, they’re probably not going to have that same trust in you. Um, we’re [00:44:00] all human. We are all going to make mistakes. And so, In that moment, I definitely say if you’re trying to fill in a spot that you need to reaching out and saying, Hey, I completely made a mistake.

I’m going to own up to it. And I would love to see if you would be able to help fill in this shift. But I think if you try to sugarcoat it and make it seem like you have everything together, um, that actually won’t build trust as easily as if you’re vulnerable and you let them know that you make mistakes too.

Yes, absolutely. Humility for sure. Absolutely. Alright, I have two more questions unless we have a few more come in. The next one is, do you have any suggestions of how I can start coaching my team? If this has not been a regular practice within my team, where would you say that I should start? I would say start by spending [00:45:00] time with them.

A lot of times these in the green with the coaching continuum conversations happen very organically with us just being in proximity. I know sometimes structure with different companies does not allow for that. But if you are just in, um, a rhythm where you’re shoulder to shoulder, um, once again, it builds and establishes that relationship and trust.

And it also allows for moments where you might see things that you need to coach on a little bit. And the one degrees that I talked about, these small in the moment changes, um, they shouldn’t be felt heavy handed. You shouldn’t have to say, Hey, come and we need to have a conversation. But it’s like, You know, sometimes that is, Hey, I overheard you say that in the office and, um, we need to tweak it.

And that might be in front of other people too, because it’s not supposed to be super heavy. And a lot of times team members don’t even know that they’re getting coached and trained at that moment. But I would say if you’re not spending time with your team, that would be a great starting point because then you can [00:46:00] go ahead and start having these conversations with the small things as you’re seeing them.

And then you can start building that relationship and, um, it’ll be a lot easier to have the, um, Relationship when you have to talk about the hard things too.

Yeah, absolutely on that. Okay, last question I have, and this is on, um, the area you talked about the follow up. Really love that part, the practical tips you gave Alyssa. So this person said, I’ve rarely done a follow up. Can you provide another example of what this looks like? Yeah, and I think, um, one thing just to remember is, uh, these are just really practical tips, but I wouldn’t get super religious about it.

Um, the follow up is not, we’re going to schedule it and put it on our calendar and we’re going to do this. It is, once again, that shoulder to shoulder touch base. If you, um, you know, see them as a quick, uh, Hi, can we talk for just a second? I [00:47:00] wanted to follow up to see how you’re doing. So it doesn’t have to like if you pull them into a meeting room and you’re having this conversation of a follow up that feels heavy and this isn’t supposed to feel heavy.

And so it’s just I think one way for us as leaders to be intentionable, intentional about our people and how they’re feeling about these conversations and also just make sure that they heard what you Thank you communicated because sometimes that actually doesn’t come out correctly either. And so it is good on several different areas.

But, um, if I’m trying to think of another time where I had a follow up, uh, there was a time where I had more of a written documented conversation. And, um, That one was a little bit more structured where the next day I, um, no one was in the office and sat down with them and checked in to see how they were doing and see what steps that they were starting to take towards, um, the growth that we had asked of [00:48:00] them.

And so. Really, I think we want to lead with, Hey, how are you feeling? What questions do you have? And then go into any kind of, um, you know, do you have cleared or do you have any questions for clarity? And then, okay, what have you, what steps have you taken towards this growth? How can I help you in this? Um, kind of more of the accountability side.

Absolutely. Great tips there. Appreciate that. So we’re at the end of the webinar, but we do want to tell you about some items that we have coming up and events with Kingdom at work that we would love to have you at at our May webinar. We will doing a webinar over. That will be May 29th. You can use and scan that QR code right there, and we’re actually going to be with Casey Brewer.

He is the director of our employee support team. Some companies call that [00:49:00] human resources, and he is going to be going over finding the right people and what that looks like. I can the selection process and helping equip leaders that are in stage of hiring, which is probably all of us right now. Um, other events that we have coming up.

We have workshops. We have the kingdom at work leadership workshops. And we have one coming up actually May 7th through the 9th. And we currently have till tomorrow a buy one get one free on tickets. This is for business owners and their leadership teams. We would love to have you and your team. If you would like more information on this, you can go to our website at kingdomatwork.

com or scan that QR code and my team or myself will get with you and give you more information. And then last thing we have that this is the first time we’ve ever done this. Um, this summer we are going to be putting on our first work with purpose conference. We are so excited about this. This is [00:50:00] going to be in Lubbock, Texas on August 27th.

At Buddy Holly Hall, and this is an all day conference. It could be for anybody with any position. If you’re a stay at home mom, if you are a coach, if you’re a nurse, if you’re an electrician, a barista, if you’re a business owner. Um, this is for you, your team tickets are only going to be 30 and registration for this is going to open on May 6th.

So we hope that we have equipped you and that is part of our, our mission here at Kingdom at Work is to not just bring, um, excitement and equipping, but we actually want you to go and take actions. So go beat Kingdom where God has given you that ability to steward. Y’all have a great day. Thank you.