Work with Purpose Conference | Keynote 4 | August 2024
Description
Discover how to handle conflict with a Kingdom perspective and hear applicable tips on how to approach others. Find more info about Work with Purpose Conference, here.
to our very first time mind you this is
happening you go and you visit all the
sites that Paul visited and I was struck
by something really amazing and that is
that uh everywhere you go they’d talk
about oh here’s somewhere Paul went and
it was things like oh yeah here’s where
Paul went to
prison oh yeah and here’s where they
dragged him into the amphitheater and
like put him on trial oh here’s Mars
Hill this is where they basically put
him on trial again in Athens and you
know Paul was kind of like he was
conflict positive I guess you could
say he was okay with conflict anybody
else like that in the room you just like
you’re like man Paul he’s my dude yeah
there’s a few people anybody else who’s
more like you know blessed are the me
no okay that’s cool you know I think we
have like these different views on
conflict as Christians right we uh some
of us are like oh we shouldn’t be mean
to anybody and you know and then the
others are like you know Paul let’s
raise them to the ground with truth
and this is uh you know the Bible has a
lot to say about conflict I think the
secular business World also has a lot to
say about conflict right I think if
you’ve been in the business world at all
you’ve read any books you will know that
like you know you got Patrick linion if
you want to know the secular view of
conflict just read his book five
dysfunctions of a team it’s great I love
it um that’s not what I’m here to talk
about today though today I’m here to
talk about conflict in the context of
our faith and God’s
kingdom and if we look to the Bible as
our source of Truth and we think about
like you know conflict then we you
should be able to look up the answer to
a lot of these questions in the Bible
and I kind of feel bad saying that
sometimes because it almost feels like
I’m cheating it’s like you can just look
up the answer to anything in the Bible
and like read it back to people and it’s
like yeah you look really smart it’s
like you know the the up up down down a
a BB to the yeah the life the universe
and
everything and if you got that joke that
means you are an out over 40-year-old
male
who’s about to go into a midlife crisis
and I’m right there with
you and the Bible has so much to say
about conflict doesn’t it it’s amazing
it’s the best business book ever
written and I think one of the things
that we struggle with a lot is the
idea again that we’re supposed to be
really nice and that conflict is kind of
a bad thing we’re supposed to shy away
from it as Christians but really the the
Bible says conflict is good and I think
the problem that we have when we don’t
do conflict well as Believers it’s that
we’re not starting from the right place
and ending in the right place of
conflict and so we’re going to talk
about what is what does that even mean
what is this guy even talking about
starting in the right place and ending
in the right place but before we do that
I want to talk a little bit about the
Bible there we go
so I want to talk about the greatest
commandment you shall love the Lord your
God with all your soul and with all your
mind this is the second this is a great
and first commandment and the second is
like it you shall love your neighbor as
yourself and on these two Commandments
depend all the law and the
prophets so we can go back to this and
we can say hey when it comes to conflict
loving your neighbor as yourself right
how do you want to be treated when it
comes to conflict are you like man I
really love it when people talk about me
behind my back anybody like that
no okay or are you like you know I
really love the feeling I get when I
gossip about other
people no one’s like that either or I
really love it when people hold grudges
against
me that’s no fun right that’s not now if
we do that to other people that’s not
loving our neighbor as we love ourselves
because I don’t want any of that for
myself right and yet I find myself doing
it to other people a lot right if I’m
being honest I have to say that I have
been that guy and I continue to be that
guy and will be that guy into the future
and so I want to use what God has told
us in scripture to help me with that so
let’s talk about
that so it’s all about how we want to be
treated
right so the first step there’s kind of
three steps first thing we want to do is
we want to start with humility right
this shouldn’t be any surprise you’re at
a Christian business conference starting
with humility everyone should be like
yeah humility it’s tough though right
because as someone who has definitely
had his own struggles with pride um
things tend to kind of become all about
me right anybody else ever have that
it’s like oh you know this person said
this to me and I got really upset about
that and man I shouldn’t be getting
upset and I’m going to take it out on
them and I’m going to go tell my friends
about it no um and I think with humility
it’s like why do you see the speck that
is in your brother’s ey but do not
notice the log that is in your own eye
Matthew 7 so I think first we have to
kind of when it comes to having conflict
with someone we have to go back to the
idea that maybe this fault could be mine
or I could have something that I need to
fix first and it’s not just all about
what the other person’s doing wrong
that’s made me
upset so the second thing that we need
to do is we need to talk to one another
not about one another
so humility is kind of obvious right you
are probably seeing that coming a little
bit this again Christian business
conference we’re going to talk about
humility talk to one another and not
about one another that’s a little bit
different if you know your Bible you’ll
know that
um there’s a verse in Matthew again if
your brother sins against you go and
tell him his fault between you and him
alone man I bet that if every single one
of us thought about it really hard and
me included I could think of something
in the past probably week or so where I
have had a problem with somebody and I
talked to not that person about that
problem right I think that’s if we’re
all just being really honest we can
think of
that and it’s just really natural right
because we humans we just love to avoid
conflict we almost see like when when
it’s time for me to talk to somebody
about what they’ve done wrong it almost
inevitably is like reflecting back on
myself about things that I’ve done wrong
and it makes me really uncomfortable to
do it because it’s like well what if
they come back and say like well Brad
you did this and you did this and you
did this and read me the list of all the
things that I’ve done wrong in my life
right I don’t want that to
happen and then what if like you get to
them and they blow up and they’re like
no way I never did any of that I mean
that’s tough too right so it it takes a
lot of courage to go do this but what
we’re saying is the best way to handle a
problem between you and another person
is between you and another
person kind of a weird concept I’ll give
you a second to think about
it I know right it’s like I feel really
bad it’s like just read this out of the
Bible maybe one key to doing this really
well is Proverbs 15 a soft answer turns
away wrath but a harsh word stir up
anchor so how you go about doing this
when you go talk to this other person is
really really really critical if you go
in hotheaded high
emotional um you know you may not be
able to get the same result that you
want to get uh you may not bring about
the the end result that we’re talking
about which I don’t want to get too far
ahead of myself but couple other things
about going and talking to
people we I get I talked about emotions
just briefly but emotions are a really
critical piece of this we tend to be
really emotional people that try to like
bury our emotions way down deep inside
right anyone ever done that I know I
have
so why is this bad when it comes to
conflict because a lot of times the
things that other people do wrong the
problem that you’re trying to solve is
not that they did something wrong it’s
how you felt about it right and how you
felt about it is really the problem and
so when we talk about how we felt about
something that’s going to be a much
better it’s a much easier thing for
people to connect to right because they
might be like oh well yeah I’ve I’ve had
feelings about stuff too in my past it’s
a familiar thing we all we’ve all had
that moment where it’s like man i’ I
somebody did something and I got really
upset and the upset thing me being upset
is really the problem here not the thing
that they did
necessarily and so I always like to
start that way start telling people how
you felt about it make sure that they
have an opportunity to validate your
emotions because I think that’s a really
good way to connect people so we talked
about starting with humility we talked
about talking to one another not about
one another and actually one I’m going
to add a point to talk to one another
not about one another and that is that a
a guideline of whether you’re doing this
really well is if you can think about a
time in the past couple weeks where
you’ve talked about someone to someone a
even after you talked to them about it
let’s say like I’m having a problem with
Andrew and I’m like and I go talk to
Andrew and I’m like Andrew you know I
don’t like your haircut today buddy um
and then I go to like MTI and I like man
did you see Andrew’s haircut it was
terrible and it was like this and that
and this and that and it’s like would
Andrew be surprised by anything I’m
saying because if he is I’m saying it
wrong I shouldn’t be saying that to
anybody but Andrew and again that’s kind
of talking to someone not about someone
no they should never be surprised by
what I’m saying about
them the last one’s the hardest always
humility talk to one another but when
someone repents you forget
this is the one that kind of like it’s
kind of like nails on a chalkboard of
our soul right it’s kind of hard to
accept and even a lot of times as
Christians we like to like minimize the
Forgiveness it’s like oh I’ve forgiven
them in my heart and that’s
enough but true forgiveness is actually
a little different um and uh Luke 17 is
a classic example of this if your
brother sins rebuke him and if he
repents forgive him and if he sins
against you seven times in the day and
turns to you seven times saying I Repent
you must forgive
him and this is pretty wild and some
people are like well he’s just speaking
metaphorically here you know obviously
seven times that’s a lot right but it’s
not
really if someone repents seven times
forgive him seven times uh this is one
of those like we should take this Bible
thing more literally
maybe and another scripture here I
that’s really important is uh bearing
with one another and if one has a
complaint against one another forgiving
each other as the Lord has forgiven you
you must also forgive and so man I think
too often we’re like yeah I forgive him
but I’m still holding a
grudge that’s not a guy I’d grab coffee
with but he’s
forgiven I don’t think I’d ever invite
him over for Thanksgiving dinner but
yeah but I but I forgive
him is that really how God forgives
us is is God like oh yeah your sins are
forgiven but when you die you are dead
dead you’re not coming into my kingdom
like that is that how God forgives us no
that is not how for God forgives us so
why do we kind of have this separate
form of forgiveness as Christians for
other people who have done us wrong
we’re like oh I’m going to forgive you
in my heart but you know I’m not going
to talk to you in the hallway or
anything I’m just going to keep my
distance keep my distance we love that
that’s like uh therapeutic forgiveness
almost It’s All About Me it’s not about
uh the the RW that I love which is
reconciliation and really
conflict in the kingdom is about
reconciliation right if if you don’t you
start with humility but you end at
reconciliation if you don’t have a
full relationship with that other person
at the end of that no matter how big or
small the conflict is right it doesn’t
actually matter I don’t care if they
took your lunch out of the fridge and
made it in the break room or they
punched you in the face walking down the
hallway reconciliation is what we need
to have with one another and if they
come to you and repent then you will
forgive and that is the one of the most
powerful things that I think uh God has
for us and it’s one of the most powerful
things in his kingdom is this idea that
in God’s you know God’s Authority he
wants us to forgive one another he wants
us to be reconciled with
everybody and just so you know I’m not
talking out a school another scripture
so if you are offering your gift at the
altar and they remember that your
brother has something against you leave
your gift there before the Altar and go
first be reconciled to your brother and
then come and offer your gift does
anyone think that like offering gifts at
the altar was kind of important in
second temp temple Judaism anybody yeah
it was pretty important right it was
like basically the whole
thing um so is it weird that he was like
man you know like
your priorities are out of order if
you’re here at the altar offering
something and you have a Reconciliation
problem with your brother you if you’re
thinking you need to be here first
reconciling with God
first go reconcile with your brother
first that is a really backwards thing
right we don’t really expect that we
think you know I’m going to be I’m gonna
go be with God but you know forget about
John who who really wronged me last
week so I say all that to say
um there is good conflict in the
Kingdom starts with humility ends with
reconciliation but from humility we have
to go talk to one another not about one
another and when they repent we have to
forgive it’s 100% when they repent we
have to forgive no do not pass go do not
collect
$200 so I have a couple reflection
questions because I think this is a
really key Point has there been a time a
recent time when when you talked about
someone at work instead of to
them and do you need to go talk to them
maybe you
do also is there something in your life
that you feel strongly about but haven’t
voiced your thoughts to anyone
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