Work with Purpose | Healthy Conflict
Description
Discover a fresh perspective on workplace conflict in this engaging Work with Purpose keynote by Brad Nelson, Betenbough Companies, Board Member, designed to transform challenges into opportunities for growth and reconciliation. Our speaker shares candid personal stories—from navigating difficult conversations with colleagues to learning the power of humility and direct communication—that reveal how healthy conflict can strengthen relationships rather than divide them. Grounded in timeless biblical principles like loving your neighbor as yourself, this talk outlines practical strategies for addressing issues head-on: speak directly rather than behind someone’s back, embrace vulnerability, and offer forgiveness when repentance is shown. Join us to explore how intentional, Kingdom-centered conflict resolution not only fosters a more positive work environment but also nurtures trust and accountability across teams. Reflect on thought-provoking questions and learn how to turn every challenging conversation into a step toward unity and mutual respect. For more videos like this, visit Kingdomatwork.com
all right we’re going to go ahead and
get started again this is my favorite
part of the whole program this has been
such an amazing day so far yeah I think
that worship was was just awesome so
today this part I know you’re all
probably just a little bit tired but
that’s okay uh because what we’re going
to do now is what we lovingly call Ted
Talk roulette so the way this is going
to work is I’m going to do a quick
15minute talk then I’m going to bring on
Ty stulp who is uh our director of
construction support he’s going to come
on do a quick 15-minute talk and then
Lauren Hayes is going to come on and do
a quick 15minute talk so really excited
about them my talk is on
conflict healthy
conflict it’s an interesting thing who
is a who’s a big conflict
fan not not a ton of people you know if
I’m being completely honest I have to
confess I was not very good at conflict
early in my life and that’s true in work
and it’s true in marriage you know in
marriage conflict is a is an inevitable
thing my wife she’s very good at
conflict she’s very good at talking
about how she feels about stuff she’s
good about telling me what I’ve done
wrong she’s also a psychiatrist so her
profession is literally helping people
with
conflict and me on the other hand I have
a y
chromosome yeah so so not the best at
conflict my Approach with her is
basically to try to just not move like
she’s some kind of T-Rex hunting me for
her dinner and her visual Acuity is
based on movement and if I could just
stay still long
enough she’ll forget whatever happened
and go back to watching
TV never actually
worked but you know I brought that same
attitude into the workplace I remember
very early on in my career I had a
friend at work named Brian
and Brian was a cool guy we had worked
together a while and he came to me one
day and he said Brad you know I am
resigning I just put in my two weeks
notice and I was like oh man that’s
terrible you know we we had such a good
time together we weren’t on the same
team but we just we really clicked and I
said hey you know that’s awesome
whatever I can do for you let me know he
said yeah you know there actually is
something you can do for me I need some
help I’m I’m struggling with something I
was like yeah I’ll help and he said hey
so I’m leaving I’m going to get an exit
interview and at the exit interview
they’re going to ask me why I’m leaving
except the reason I told you guys why
I’m leaving isn’t the reason I’m leaving
and I was like oh okay what’s the reason
you’re leaving and he said the reason
I’m leaving is actually my boss
Jim Jim’s kind of a jerk to me and I
have been taken a lot of it
personally and he’s kind of been
mistreating me and I don’t want to deal
with it anymore so I’m just going to
leave and he said do you think think I
should bring that up on my exit
interview I sat there and I thought
about it you know we’re sitting at these
desks face to face and he’s such a good
guy and I’m like you know Brian here’s
the problem if you bring this up on your
exit
interview Jim is inevitably going to
hear about it he’s inevitably going to
get that
feedback and there is a real risk he’s
going to hold that against you in the
future you need his recommendation to
get a future job so if you go and tell
him what’s going on here there’s
possibility he might not react well to
that and that you may never get a good
recommendation from him ever again and
that could be really bad for
you and so I told him that and I said I
don’t think you should tell him and so
he’s like okay so that’s exactly what
happened he never told anybody why he
was actually leaving because I told him
to kind of lie about it and he left and
Jim was never the
wiser and I could just see like I was
like oh man this is so great really
helped resolve this conflict I can see
the clouds opening up in front of me and
Jesus is there and he’s like giving me a
thumbs up saying well done good and
faithful servant blessed are the
peacemakers except I wasn’t a
peacemaker right I was a peace destroyer
in that moment I destroyed peace you
know what actually happened is I took
the selfish way out of that I decided
for my own comfort that I didn’t want to
lean into any of that I wasn’t going to
have anything to do with it and what
happened as a result of that is Jim
never got
better he could have used that
feedback but I withheld that from him it
wasn’t right that wasn’t making peace
that was making other people’s lives
miserable and so that’s what we’re going
to talk about today is conflict and how
do we do that in a healthy way you know
the first thing that I want to say is
there’s a lot of secular input on how to
do conflict well if you want to know
that go check out a book by lenion or
someone like that they have written a
ton of good stuff on how to do conflict
well in the workplace and I’m not going
to talk about any of it today because
none of it has anything to do with the
Bible and what I want to do is talk
about what does conflict look like in
God’s kingdom how does our kingdom
mentality if we adopt that today
translate into how I develop conflict in
the work
workplace so where do we start how does
conflict become healthy in the workplace
in light of this the mentality that
we’re supposed to have and what I would
tell you today and if you only take one
thing away from this talk is that
conflict can become healthy in the
workplace and in any context as long as
your focus is on
reconciliation reconciliation should be
the goal of any conflict if you’re doing
it for yourself not going to
work if you’re doing it to to build
relationships between people that’s what
God wants from us that is his Kingdom
advancing in the
workplace so what I always say is you
know we got to start with the greatest
commandment you shall love the Lord your
God with all your heart and all your
soul and all your mind this is the great
and first commandment and a second is
like it you shall love your neighbor as
yourself on these two Commandments
depend all the law and the prophets so
really that begs a
question how do you want to be
treated how do you want to be loved if
if we’re called to love our neighbors as
ourselves then and in Conflict it’s all
about love it’s all about reconciliation
how do I want to be do I want people
like holding a grudge against me for
years on end do I want people to go like
talk to their friends about me behind my
back no I want them to come to me with
stuff so first key to doing this well is
we’re going to start with
humility humility is absolutely
essential like I said this cannot be
about you if you have to bring somebody
some really difficult feedback about how
they’re kind of degrading your
relationship it can’t be about you it’s
got to be about helping them get
better this is hard too because a lot of
times the things that we’re bringing to
people have caused a deep emotional hurt
in us right and that hurt is going to
cause us to blow up in unpredictable
ways so we have to first start with
humility try to work on the that emotion
don’t let it be an emotional
response and in the Bible like it should
be obvious that this should be our first
step right why do you see the speck
that’s in your brother’s eye but do not
notice the log that’s in your own how
could the fault be mine here is there
any way that like this thing that this
other person did could actually be my
fault is there something I could be
doing better I should be bringing that
to the
table the next key point after starting
with humility is that we need to talk to
one another not about one
another this is really key again I don’t
think it’s fun when people talk about me
behind my back I don’t think you think
it’s fun when people talk about it
behind your back so that’s not how we
want to be treated so we should treat
other people that way so when I have a
problem with Jim I should go talk to Jim
about it not to
Bob and if I do that that’s going to
build trust over time now I can’t
guarantee that that’s always going to go
perfectly well but I do think that when
we can talk to one another not about one
another we’re going to we’re going to
build a closer trust between us it’s
going to make that reconciliation that
we’re going for a lot more
possible so just a couple uh scriptures
on that I mean if your brother sins
against you go and tell him his fault
between you and him
alone right that’s the way we should do
things this is what the Bible
says and also remember a soft answer
turns away away wrath but a harsh word
stirs up anger the way you go about this
is really really really important if you
go about it guns a blazing that’s going
to set set up defensive walls with that
other person they’re going to just
automatically start saying no this is
not me how could you say something like
this so we start with humility we talk
to one another not about one another and
the last thing is that when somebody
repents you forgive
them you know the funny thing about this
one is this is probably the simplest
concept but the hardest one to do right
even as Believers we struggle with this
like we take this Bible verse if your
brother sins rebuke him and if he
repents forgive him and if he sins
against you seven times in a day and
turns to you seven times saying I Repent
you must forgive
him and another from Colossians bearing
with one another if one has a complaint
against another forgiving each other as
the Lord has forgiven you so you also
must forgive it’s not like a maybe I’ll
forgive him you know this isn’t like
this also is not a forgiveness in my
heart kind of thing I think we sometimes
misunderstand that the Bible says to
forgive others as the Lord has forgiven
you and God’s not like oh you know your
sins are forgiven you know I’m not
really going to help you out with
anything I’m just you just stay over on
your side I’m going to stay on my side
we’re not I’m that salvation thing we’ll
see I don’t know see if you you get your
behavior back together that’s not how it
works right in faith we’re forgiven and
that’s it
reconciliation and so
when someone when you go to somebody
else and you share with them in humility
and you talk to them about what they’ve
done wrong and if they repent and ask
for your forgiveness you have to give it
to them and that means your relationship
no longer is conditioned by whatever
offense that
is if you if that offense had stopped
you from talking to each other you’re
going to be talking to each other if
that had stopped you from having them
over for Thanksgiving dinner you’re
having them over for Thanksgiving dinner
now that’s what real forgiveness looks
like it’s full relationship not
conditioned by the sins of the
past
so start with humility talk to one
another not about one another and if
they repent forgive and that’s really
all there is to it healthy
conflict so I’m going to share a few
reflection questions and then we’ll
bring Ty stlp out here to
talk so first question is has there been
a recent time when you talked about
someone at work instead of to
them the second question is is there
something in your life that you feel
strongly about but haven’t voiced your
thoughts to anyone on
it thanks
[Applause]
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