Work with Purpose Conference | Healthy Conflict | Sept. 2025

I didn’t see a lot of hands go up. Are

you sure? Okay, cool. Uh, I

do not love conflict, but and I’m really

bad at engaging in it.

And my wife is like really good at she’s

professional level conflict. She’s a

psychiatrist

and she went to medical school and did

four years of residency to learn how to

deal with conflict. And I am a man.

You know, when I was growing up, the way

we dealt with conflict in my house was

you just pretend nothing’s happening and

eventually people will forget about it.

And so, like when early on in my

marriage, I’m dealing with my wife and

she wants to talk to me about the things

I’m doing wrong and I’m just like trying

to stay very still

like she’s some kind of T-Rex and her

visual acuity is based on movement. And

if I just don’t move long enough, she

will forget what’s happening and forget

I’m even around.

And that shouldn’t be a surprising,

right? We’re actually really bad at

conflicts. You know, early on in my

career. I had a guy and his name was

Brian. And he came to me one day and he

was like, “Brad, I got this problem. I’m

resigning from my job.” And I was like,

“Oh man, Brian’s such a cool guy. I

really like him. Why is he resigning?

Why are you resigning, Brian?” He’s

like, “Well,

really, it’s because of Jim, my

manager.” And I was like, “Oh man,

what’s what’s the deal with that?” And

he was like, “Yeah, well Jim likes me, I

think, but Jim’s kind of a jerk,

actually.” And he’s constantly giving me

a hard time and telling me how bad I am

at what I do, and I really don’t want to

work with him anymore. And so, I’m just

going to quit. And he was like, “So, I

was like, “Okay, I mean, that’s cool,

but what do what can I do for you?” And

he said, “Well,

I’m leaving. They’re going to give me an

exit interview, and should I go and say

something about Jim on the exit

interview? should I say that he’s kind

of a jerk on the exit interview? And I

was like, okay, that’s a good question.

Let me think about it for a minute. So,

I thought about it and I’m like,

maybe you should say nothing

because really at some point in the

future, you’re going to need Jim to give

you a recommendation or be a reference

for you. And the last thing you want to

do on your way out is start burning

bridges, right? You don’t want to do

that. So, just say nothing at all. make

up some story and just say that’s why

you’re leaving,

which is yes, that is a lie. I know.

Yes, I lied.

Not my proudest moment,

but that’s exactly what he did. So, he

went told the HR person. He was like,

“Yeah, I’m just going to visit family

and travel for a year.” Had nothing to

do with Jim. And Jim was never the

wiser. And and in that moment, I was

like, “Oh, yeah. This is awesome. I

prevented a conflict. I really and and

you know like I could see like the

heavens are opening up before me and

like there’s Jesus and he’s giving me

that smile and he’s giving me this

thumbs up because he’s Jesus and he’s

like well done good and faithful

servant. Blessed are you the peacemaker.

Except I wasn’t the peacemaker.

Yeah. In fact, Jim never got that memo

that he was kind of a jerk. And you know

what happened? A lot of other people got

hurt along the way.

I did what was most comfortable for me,

which was to say nothing.

And in in the process of that, I

actually created a lot of conflict.

Right? That’s ex that’s what happened.

When we don’t engage in conflict, what’s

actually happening is we’re creating

conflict. And again, we’re really bad at

this as Christians because we’re like,

“Oh man, I’m supposed to turn the other

cheek, right? That’s what I’m supposed

to do.” And you are, don’t get me wrong.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t actually

talk to people about the things that are

going wrong.

And we’re like, we’re supposed to just

be nice to people all the time, aren’t

you? Isn’t that the the picture we get

in our head is Christians are just

supposed to be nice people. That’s what

it means to be a Christian is to be nice

and never like have a problem with

anybody. It’s like that’s not true,

right? That’s not true at all. But you

know, the secular world is funny, too.

The secular world has all these ideas

about how we should go about engaging in

conflict with each other. And actually,

those are really good things. Like, if

you’ve read Patrick Lencion or any like

business books, you’re probably going to

find some really good advice about how

to deal with conflict in the workplace.

And I’m not going to talk about any of

those today. In fact, you should go read

those. Go check it out. Patrick Lencion

is a genius and I do a lot of his stuff

today. But that’s not what we’re going

to talk about. We are at a conference

called Work with Purpose. And this is

about what does God’s kingdom have to

say about how we engage in healthy

conflict. And it turns out a lot. And

the reason is that a lot of what makes

God’s kingdom God’s kingdom is the fact

that there is we are trying to work

towards reconciliation with each other.

Reconciliation is like one of the

biggest ministries and one of the

biggest evidences of what God’s doing in

the world and what how he wants to

advance his rule in our world. And so it

should be no surprise that a big part of

what we have to do on a day-to-day basis

is reconciling with each other.

And so really what I want to tell you

today is that conflict is a good thing.

Right? Everybody say that with me.

Conflict is a good thing.

Conflict is a good thing.

Yeah, you get it. Conflict is a good

thing. You know, the problem is is a lot

of times we don’t know where to start

and stop, right? And in fact, we’re

starting conflict with the wrong

motivations, the wrong approach, all

these bad things that we’re not really

doing very well. And you know, we’re

like a lot of times we’re like, “Ah, I’m

just going to keep it to myself.” And

really, it is a good thing. When it’s

about reconciliation, conflict is a

great thing. And we have to start and

stop in the right place. And so, where

do we start? I think we got to start

with the greatest commandment, right?

You shall love your Lord your God with

all your heart and all your soul and

with all your mind. And this is the

great and first commandment, and the

second is like it. You shall love your

neighbor as yourself. On these two

commandments depend all the law and the

prophets. So, let me ask you a question.

Does anybody love when someone holds a

grudge against you? Like, do you love

that? Is that fun? Is that how you want

to be treated? Do you want to be treated

uh like where people like gossip behind

your back or like steal your lunch out

of the the work breakroom fridge? Is

that the way you want to be treated? No,

of course not. Right? Nobody wants to be

treated that way.

Does anyone want to be the guy who Does

anyone want to be like Jim where nobody

ever tells them what they did wrong and

they just keep making the same mistakes

over and over and over again?

Anybody? No. I didn’t see any hands go

up. I’m going to assume that we don’t

want to be like I don’t want to be like

that. And so really if I don’t want to

be treated that way, should I go and

tell those things to that other person,

right? So how do I want to be treated in

that?

So,

let’s start with some humility.

And it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m

up here on a stage at a Kingdom

conference talking about humility,

right? We should all expect that. But

man, there’s something special about

this. And I really want to hit it.

Humility is so important because you the

the last thing you want to do when

someone has wronged you is go and like

nail before God and be like be like the

Pharisee praying, right? And he’s like,

“Man, thank you that I’m such a great

person and this other guy, this tax

collector, he’s kind of a jerk.” And you

know, man, but I’m so awesome and thank

you, Lord, for for me being awesome. You

know, the best way to do this is to

start by praying and asking the Lord to

show you how that other person who

wronged you might be right.

How could how could the fault actually

be mine? Lord, show me that. Show me how

I can change things and not how I’m the

best person in the world.

The Bible says this, right? Why do you

seek the speck that is in your brother’s

eye, but you do not notice the log that

is in your own eye?

And that should be a key when we’re when

we’re approaching this. We start with

humility. We start with maybe maybe this

is actually my fault and I need to be

the one that changes.

The second thing you got to do is you

got to talk to one another and not about

one another. This is critical. Matthew

says, “If your brother sins against you,

go and tell him his fault between you

and him alone.” So, does that mean that

if uh somebody wrongs me in the

workplace that I should go and talk to

somebody else about it? No. I got to go

talk to them directly. Tell them what

happened.

Now, maybe the Bible also says if that

person doesn’t respond to that initial

con uh communication, then maybe bring

somebody else with you and then bring

the church. Uh but at first just talk to

them and them alone because really what

would be the the best possible outcome

is if that person in response to you

going to them changes what happened and

you are reconciled in that moment and

nobody else ever has to know about it.

Also remember when you’re going to that

person that a soft answer turns away

wrath and a harsh word stir up anger. So

uh be soft when you go to people. Go in

love. remind them that you’re there as

part of reconciliation, not as part of

correction only.

The last one is when somebody repents,

you forgive. And this I think is so

funny because I think this is actually

the hardest thing for us as Christians

to do is forgive. Which is weird because

we are forgiven, right? Everyone I mean

like the Lord has forgiven me for what

I’ve done. And I think it’s hard because

somewhere in some movie or some book or

some secular thing, somebody said like,

“I can forgive, but I’m not going to

forget.” And is that how God forgives

us? Like we keep the rol he keeps the

rolodex in heaven and he’s like, “Oh,

Brad, you know, was angry at somebody

and next time I’m angry, he’s like,

“Well, he did it. He’s kept doing it.”

And it’s like, “No, I’m I’m forgiven.”

And if I really believe I’m forgiven,

God’s not going to hold that against me.

It’s not going to continue to condition

our relationship maybe is another way to

say that. And so the Bible actually says

that we should forgive others as God

forgives us.

And what that means is that when we

forgive somebody else for what’s

happening, that thing that they did to

us can no longer condition our

relationship. We can’t like that’s a

that’s as good as like they’re welcome

at my house anytime. I’m going to give

them a key to my house. They’re welcome

on Thanksgiving dinner. I mean, it’s

it’s a serious level of forgiveness. In

fact, uh the Bible says, “If your

brother sins, rebuke him. And if he

repents, forgive him. And if he sins

against you seven times in the day and

turns to you seven times, saying, “I

repent, you must forgive him.”

And also bearing with one another. And

if one has a complaint against another,

forgiving each other, as the Lord has

forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

Forgiveness is that important. And

there’s another part to this, too. Uh

Jesus is talking about this and he’s

like, “Man, if you remember that someone

has something against you and you’re

going to give your sacrifice at the

temple, you know, set down your

sacrifice and go be reconciled to your

brother.” You know, that I always read

as like a forgiveness thing, but I was

reading that the other day and I was

like, “Man, this is wild.” Setting down

your sacrifice, you know how important

it was in second temple Judaism to go

and make a sacrifice?

It was pretty much the whole thing. Like

if you had to sum up the the the

religious experience of Jews at that

time, it was going to the temple and

giving a sacrifice. And for someone to

and just how radical this is for Jesus

to say like, “Hey, hold off on the

sacrifice for a minute. Go be reconciled

with your brother before you go and

sacrifice is really very extreme. I

mean, that’s an extreme thing to say,

but that is how important it is that we

reconcile ourselves with each other.”

And so I would say, man, forgiveness is

the biggest part of this. Reconciliation

is the point. You’ve got to do it. Uh

and if you struggle with that, pray to

God to to heal your heart in that. You

know, it’s funny. Uh I am in the middle

of something like this right now. This

is very relevant. There’s no accident

that I’m up here giving this talk right

now. In fact, tomorrow I’m traveling

halfway across the world to go talk to

somebody that I have a problem with. Um,

and I am struggling with it. I think one

of the maybe the bonus topic that I’ll

give you guys today is that as soon as I

figured out I was going to do that, you

know, uh, some people have this saying I

I knew this old Catholic nurse who had

this saying like, “Not today, Satan.”

And she would just say it all the time

when she was at work. And I think Satan

in that moment when I was like, I got to

go figure this out. I got to go

reconcile this was like, “Not today,

Brad.

Not today. Spiritual attack, man.

Spiritual attack will follow you if you

try to do this. Well, I guarantee it. Uh

the devil does not want you to be

reconciled with each other. That is

God’s thing. That is not his thing. And

so, uh I would just say pray, pray,

pray, pray, pray against spiritual

attack. Pray for reconciliation. Pray

for God to change your heart in all of

it. Uh that he would make a new person

in you so that you could be reconciled

with everybody. So start with humility.

Talk to them, not about them. And if

they’ve repent, you forgive.

So some reflection questions. Has there

been a recent time when you talked about

someone at work instead of to them?

And is there something in your life that

you feel strongly about, but haven’t

voiced your thoughts to anyone?

Thank you.